Planking is taking the world by storm. For the uninformed among you, planking is a highly stylized art form in which an individual lies prone, face down, arms held stiffly against one’s sides, like a plank. This new internet meme originated Down Under but has become popular the world over. The goal of the exercise is to “plank” (yes, the term spans the parts-of-speech gamut) ones self in an absurd location and take pictures of the act.
Little does the world know, however, that planking has become a dangerous sport. Various injuries and deaths have been reported around the world as a result of High-Risk Planking, henceforth called HRP.
We would like to caution our readers against HRP.
HRP can cause:
Bodily Harm: Recently, while engaging in a discussion about the dangers of planking, a 48 year old woman decided to showcase her talents. She fell, fractured her shoulder and sustained head injuries.
Death: This past May, a young Aussie’s life was cut short when his planking stunt went terribly awry. Attempting to plank on a seventh story balcony, the man fell to his death.
Loss of Employment: Woolworths fired eight people for planking on the clock. One of the employees had planked on top of a meat grinder.
The Wrath of Xzibit: Don’t plank around Xzibit. The rapper claims that planking has its roots in the Middle Passage. “Planking was a way to transport slaves on ships during the slave trade, its not funny. Educate yourselves,” Xzibit wrote on twitter. Discussing or engaging in planking around Xzibit constitutes as HRP.
Uncomfortable Situations with Richard Simmons: Earlier today a photo was released showing Richard Simmons, wearing a Technicolor tutu ensemble, planking atop another man. Whether or not this individual was a willing participant the world may never know.
Planking is a personal choice. Don’t let yourself be peer-pressured into the act. Please take care and, if you should decide to plank, avoid HRP.