The Times on Dressing for Clubs and ‘Hipster Bars on the Lower East Side’

If it's in gritty lower Manhattan, you should probably dress like a punk rocker or something.

 The Times on Dressing for Clubs and Hipster Bars on the Lower East Side

"I heard you have a much better chance of getting in if you come by cab"

Stuck behind the velvet rope? The Times styles today offers a handy guide on what threads get you past the bouncers and inside to the sweaty free-spending masses who are just the coolest, because they got in. Last week, the Gray Lady’s fashion-centric section informed us that girls these days are all wearing dresses. Big, floppy, colorful dresses, popping up all over Rockaway!

This week, they were a bit more specific about people wearing things in various places. Let’s investigate!

WHAT TO WEAR TO: Continental (five shots, five dollars, people!)

An unironic mélange of ripped blue jeans, grubby backpacks, baseball hats and sneakers.

BUT NOT:

Baggy jeans or bling

WHAT TO WEAR TO: Provocateur

“A blazer, a solid button-down or a solid sweater.” For women, shoes are key. “Minimum five-inch heel,” he said. “Christians are our favorite,” he added, referring not to the faithful but to Christian Louboutin, the designer known for his red soles. Jimmy Choo and Christian Dior are also welcome.

BUT NOT:

Crazy stripes on his shirt to draw attention to himself

WHAT TO WEAR TO: Day and Night Brunches

A bow tie or, if you have to, go out and buy a $400 pair of sunglasses.

BUT NOT:

A T-shirt unless you’re a rock star

WHAT TO WEAR TO: Riff Raff’s

A nice sports coat, a really great flower-print shirt underneath, maybe a matching pocket square

BUT NOT:

“It’s not what you’re wearing; it’s who you are”

Ah, OK, so it’s what’s inside that counts.

All these club names are confusing! Thankfully, The Times styles goes back to what it does best, and starts making sweeping generalizations about neighborhoods.

WHAT TO WEAR TO: “Hipster bars on the Lower East Side”

Natural fabrics, lots of skinny denim on boys and girls, a lot of draping fabrics and muted colors

(We live on the Lower East Side. We’ve been doing it wrong all this time! Hold on, jetting home to drape our fabrics and mute our colors.)

WHAT TO WEAR TO: The East Village

More rock ’n’ roll with punk undertones

WHAT TO WEAR TO: The Meatpacking District

Your party dress, your five-inch heels, designer bags

WHAT TO WEAR TO: SoHo and NoLIta

Anything goes

Anything goes! Sounds like a crazy place, this Soho. But we’ll stick around our neck of the woods, dressed in all the draping fabrics we can get our hands on.