What Will Jennifer Aniston Say to James Lipton?

Yawn.

Yawn.

James Lipton, the grey-bearded honcho behind Bravo’s Q&A program Inside the Actors Studio, has a great challenge ahead of him–eliciting interesting answers from his next guest, Jennifer Aniston (our Rex Reed said her new film Horrible Bosses was “the funniest role–maybe only funny role?–of her career”!). Mr. Lipton has a formula: he asks the same ten questions of each of his guests, and most can be counted upon to provide something juicy or exciting or whatever. Ms. Aniston is perhaps the most on-message celebrity of our time: black-on-beige schmattes, little niblets of information about how “uncool” Angelina Jolie is. Forthwith, a transcript of the “ten questions” of Inside the Actors Studio, obtained from our Us Weekly-fed imaginations.

  1. What is your favorite word?
    Yoga.
  2. What is your least favorite word?
    Oscar.
  3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally?
    Rumors that John Mayer and I are back on, and scented candles.
  4. What turns you off?
    Not much, I think I’m pretty easygoing [laughs uncomfortably]. Yeah, I… “turns me off” is such a, um, strong phrase! Next question.
  5. What is your favorite curse word?
    Fuck. [The most boring curse word.]
  6. What sound or noise do you love?
    Cameras clicking as I leave a restaurant. I mean, um, do sunsets make noise?
  7. What sound or noise do you hate?
    Um, I’m supposed to say “paparazzi,” right? No, wait, “a child crying”?
  8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
    Princess–the royal wedding was so fun! I had a party for it. Well, it was just me and some sparkling cider, but. Princess of America!
  9. What profession would you not like to do?
    Private citizen.
  10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
    “She’s not that pretty, Jen.”