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‘Cuz Apthorp House Porn don’t stop…

Well, we got a bit carried away at the end there, but the point remains the same: any chance to get a look inside this legendary UWS fortress of luxury is worth the time spent.

Sure, the old gal has had it rougher than she’s used to in recent years but the current condo conversion has been underway for a while now and, judging from this listing by Corcoran, at least some of the units have retained hints of that Astor family, turn-of-the-century Revivalist splendor.

Just look at these pictures… the courtyard alone is the closest you can get to feeling like you’re living in a Henry James novel.

Apartment 8J is clearly a beauty (a three-bed, 3.5-bath that’s for the privilege of paying the $5,250 in aggregate monthly common fees and taxes).

But we’d almost be disappointed if ‘Apthorp living’ came cheap these days, regardless of the negative press, especially when what you’re paying for are perks like access to the aforementioned courtyard, a common roof deck, 24 hour security, and a fully-loaded tenants-only spa. Plus the apartment itself has classic, priceless details like panoramic city views, original marble fireplaces, herringbone wood floors and, what we’re sure must be a typo in the listing, “11 ceilings.”

All that history!… All those perks!… All that detail!… All those ceilings!…

But all that money… All that ongoing construction… All that asbestos…

Well, we’ll say it again, regardless of what you think about the place as a potential purchase, you can’t argue she’s easy on the eyes.

tmcenery@observer.com