Blame The Smurfs and The Goldbugs: Markets Tank After Blue Communists Curse Wall Street

If you haven’t already heard, Wall Street is not having a great day, or as some would have it, the worst sell-off in two years. And who do we have to blame? Blue communists and a sociopathic goldbug. Evidence:

In the event that you didn’t know:

The Smurfs’ community generally takes the form of a cooperative, sharing, and kind environment based on the principle that each Smurf has something he or she is good at, and thus contributes it to Smurf society as he or she can. In return, each Smurf appears to be given their necessities of life, from housing and clothes to food without using any money in exchange.

Also, conspiracy theory: blame this on the Goldbugs.

Gargamel the sorcerer is the sworn enemy of the Smurfs and the principal antagonist in the show and comic books. His main goal in life is to destroy the Smurfs or to capture enough of them to create a potion to turn base matter into gold.

Remember where you were when a bunch of globalization-protesting blue communists midgets set our economy back two years with one single bell-ringing because we let some sociopathic goldbug set us up. Also, reminder: #BuyGold.

Correction: An earlier version of this post stated that The Smurfs rang the bell in today. They did not; that was in conjunction with the film’s release on July 29, 2011. The post’s author, however, stands behind the bell ringing as a precursor to today’s market hit, of course. | @weareyourfek