Bloomberg’s Hurricane-Deterrent Program: Dave Matthews’ Milquetoast Melodies

Dave isn't feeling the pressure. OK, only thiiiis much.

Straight from the Mayor’s mouth: the Dave Matthews Band will have their show tonight on Governor’s Island, although the planned festivities for Saturday and Sunday have been cancelled.

As the MTA plans for the worst and bridges potentially being closed, we wonder why the Mayor would permit the concert, which will surely bring out-of-towners into a city that is currently being evacuated, to go on as planned.

There is only one logical explanation: Mayor Bloomberg clearly hopes that DMBs anemic melodies will irritate Irene so much that she changes course, avoiding New York and averting disaster. It seems that the Mayor’s is banking on Dave’s throaty singing and lulling guitar strumming to save the entire city! Can one man summon the force required to fluster an entire weather system? Certainly not. That’s what the band’s other 56 members are for.