Reality Bites! The Sad, Broke Off-Screen Life of Spencer and Heidi

Speidi, <em>man</em>.

93104562 Reality Bites! The Sad, Broke Off Screen Life of Spencer and Heidi

No more fame, no more Borders.

It’s been a while since the general public pondered on the public spectacle that was Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag. Not sure we really missed them, to be honest. But in a joint interview with The Daily Beast today, they’ve come out of hiding to reveal that they are penniless and crashing with the Pratt parents. Poor kids!

The interview manages to earn the terrible pair some probably undeserved sympathy, but, like The Hills at its best, there are moments of depth, insight and wit. Compared to the bludgeoning approach taken by the reality shows today — unfortunately for Snooki, Jersey Shore takes this approach quite literally! — The Hills seems to have the subtle, nuanced wit of Evelyn Waugh.

But that show is over, so let’s try and reclaim the magic through this sad and sympathetic look at Speidi.

Here are some highlights from the duo as they ponder the existential qualities of reality television, and themselves.


“What we learned is: You can be too famous.”

“We were all getting paid to be people we weren’t for so long that you stop—there’s no line.”

“We got so deep with how many storylines we had to do to continue the machine.”

“We were living each other’s mistakes—everything we were doing, in retrospect, was a mistake.”

“Anyone who says, ‘Oh, you can have a career in reality’—that is a lie.”

“I have a lot of crystal balls, and they don’t tell me anything.”

For those who have repressed the memory, Spencer really likes crystals. (The Observer reached out to Mr. Pratt, but his phone appears to be disconnected.)

Here are some gems from Heidi.

“I would go back and not have any surgery. It doesn’t help. I got too caught up in Hollywood, being so into myself and my image.”

“I do a lot of laundry. A lot of laundry.”

“I have Spencer and my puppies. That’s my support system.”

We’re pulling for you two, really.

Meanwhile, fellow Hills star Lauren Conrad has proven successful as a novelist, and recently landed a job as a columnist at Forbes. But then again, she was always the one with the brains.