This $15 Million UWS Penthouse is Chock Full of Subtext

  • This $15 million Corcoran listing for the 4 bedroom, 6 bath, 4,325 square-foot-penthouse at Lincoln Center’s the Grand Millennium is light on images which The Observer considers a vicious tease after looking at the few on offer.

    With only a handful of (albeit pretty awesome) pictures to go on, we’re left to glean for ourselves what this listing is all about and, being the masters of subtext that we are, it seems the only way to get the true gist of the property is to read through Corcoran’s listing and pull out the truth from what we’re seeing…

    Back on the market! – Trophy Penthouse for Terrace Lovers in one of Manhattan’s elegant full service doorman buildings on the Westside, the Grand Millennium Condominium.

    Someone recently decided that their collection of furniture wasn’t vast enough to imbue this space with the appropriate amount of “I am the modern reincarnation of the Greek god Dionysus” ambiance that it deserves.

    This home provides breath-taking New York City views with Two Private & Irrigated Terraces, which can comfortably entertain over 150 people perched over Central Park and Lincoln Center.

    Your orgies can now be even larger, take place indoor or out, and even take advantage of rooftop sprinklers if you’re feeling in the mood.

    Well planned nine room blueprint detailed for four/five bedrooms with bathrooms en-suite, one of the five bedrooms was converted into an elegantly wood paneled library that can easily be used as a guest room, beautifully proportioned rooms with soaring ceilings, a master bedroom suite with two full bathrooms and a private terrace, a country style kitchen with a welcoming breakfast eating area, a formal dining room that can comfortably sit 12 guests, an open 31′ x 22′ foot living room with three walls of windows, plus a wood burning fireplace and an entrance into the larger terrace that has four gorgeous exposures on display.

    You want rooms? We got rooms. Even multiple bathrooms per bedroom for those Pashas of pleasure that seek an extra bathroom for uses unknown to lesser mortals. There’s also a fireplace before which you can lay your white bearskin rug and a breakfast area to make toast (haha, you don’t make toast).

    The Grand Millennium is just steps from Lincoln Center Theatre and a pre-theatre dinner at Café Fiorello, a walk in Central Park, shopping at the Time Warner Center, fresh groceries at Whole Foods, top rate gyms like the Reebok Sports Club or Equinox, new movies at the Sony IMAX Theatre, and some of the finest shopping and dining in New York City.

    It’s polite of us to pretend you leave the house for anything but your annual winter escape to Ibiza.