A Very Kardashian Divorce: NBA "Star" Kris Humphries Locked Out of His Marriage

Kardashian and Humphries.

It’s a Kard-astrophe! Only 72 days after reality entertainment star Kim Kardashian and her husband Brooklyn Nets (if that is their real name) NBA star Kris Humphries tied the knot, the duo is now filing for divorce. We really thought these two kids could make it…at least through another season of Kourtney & Kim Take New York.

Poor Kris: he’s apparently devastated over the idea that the love of his life…not to mention his ca-ching money train…is leaving the station so soon. Oh well, what’s the infamous saying? All’s fair in love and Dior.

So New York lost one Kardashian, but gained back Conan O’Brien, who performed live at the Beacon Theatre Monday night. Sounds like a fair trade to us! The fire-haired Coco told audiences that he “came 3,000 miles to do that” – where “that” referred to a visual gag involving a ghost human centipede. We can’t decide what’s more disturbing: that imagery or the fact that we missed it.

You’d think Coco would have roused all of the A-list guest-stars to appear for his NYC re-debut, but fans were (to put it nicely) mildly disappointed to find that the only name worth mentioning on last night’s roster was Mayor Bloomberg. What was he doing at the Beacon talking to Conan? Probably avoiding any rogue Occupy Wall Streeters planning to egg his house. But last night Hugh Jackman was on the lineup, and who doesn’t love the all-singing, all-dancing Wolverine Aussie?

That said, Mayor Bloomberg might not actually be the most frightening thing in the city this week: after CBS aired Morley Safer’s interview with Ruth and Andrew Madoff, we expected half of NYC to be outside the family’s door with torches. Finally, villains that both the rich and poor can loathe alike! What doesn’t divide us unites us. No one seems to believe that poor Mrs. Madoff wasn’t in on her husband’s Ponzi scheme, but we’re willing to entertain the possibility that they had one of those Kris Humphries-type marriages–where half the couple doesn’t even know when they’re about to be served with walking papers, Still, we aren’t heartless,and Mrs. Madoff’s description of her son Mark nearly produced a sympathetic tear or two. But then we imagined her drying her own tears with crisp $100 bills from the money she’s been allowed to keep. To be fair, she’s probably not alone. We imagine Kim Kardashian doing the same thing.

A Very Kardashian Divorce: NBA "Star" Kris Humphries Locked Out of His Marriage