Which Starbucks Should You Be Avoiding? Chronic Masturbator Does City A Service

1027 cotd Which Starbucks Should You Be Avoiding? Chronic Masturbator Does City A Service

Be careful where you go potty.

You may have already heard of Mister PeePee, a man on a mission to go around jerking off in every Starbucks bathroom in the city and then rating the lavatory on several key factors. (I.e. cleanliness, whether or not anyone knocked while he was trying to do his business, coffee taste). What you don’t know is how Mister Peepee is actually doing you a service.

First of all, think about how time-consuming this prospect is. There are approximately 298 Starbucks in Manhattan, and unless this guy can masturbate to completion more than twice a day, every day, than it’s going to take him almost half a year of non-stop jerkin’ in order to complete his project.

 

Secondly — and we say this as a group comprised of at least some women — we’d like to know where the cleanest, friendliest Starbucks bathrooms are. Sometimes you just need to go, you know? And yes, when you use a bathroom at Starbucks, like all public restrooms, there is already a built-in issue of wondering whether or not someone has masturbated onto the toilet seat. It’s just part of life! At least by following Mister PeePee’s FourSquare account you will know for sure that masturbation has occurred in the bathroom, and that – since Starbucks employees will hopefully also be clued into the situation – the room has already been sterilized with lye.

If you are more of a citizen journalist type, you could always use Mister PeePee’s list to see the locations he hasn’t visited yet, and then lay in wait until you hear moaning behind the door. Then it will be your time to pounce!

Comments

  1. This is a serious misreading of the masturbator issue that’s trying to make light of the situation, but the joke just fails.