Barnes & Noble Earns Reprobation of Christians for Not Assaulting Customers with Christmas Cheer

Barnes & Noble has apparently been placed on some kind of blacklist for not hiring a posse of elves to tie its customers to a Christmas tree, stick an eggnog drip into their veins, chain headphones playing Muzak renditions of “Away in a Manger” around their ears and stab the poor Nook-seekers with candy canes while reciting the Lord’s Prayer. Instead B&N “only” put up some celebratory seasonal signs. And, of course, they sell books. Infidels!