Fox News Holiday Card Brings Good Will to No Man, Least of All Longfellow

fox1 Fox News Holiday Card Brings Good Will to No Man, Least of All LongfellowToday The Observer received a holiday greeting from  Fox News.

But the card, which is signed by the members of Fox’s publicity department (including the famous Irena Briganti), didn’t offer much in the good tidings department. It was actually really hostile and competitive.

First let’s unpack the image.  This is no watery, non-denominational, winter solstice blessing. This image is on message and the message is Fox News is winning. Just look at how Fox (here represented by the fox) is pulling ahead of CBS, NBC and ABC (more literally represented by their network logos). CNN and MSNBC aren’t even in the race. They’re in the left corner, almost too scared to watch.

Inside there’s a Fox News version of “Joy to the World” that is far less clever than “Joy to the World (My Teacher’s Dead),” which was written by fourth graders. (The sentiment, though, is roughly the same.)

We dare you to try and match Fox’s twisted syntax to the rhythm of original hymn.

Joy to the world for Fox News Channel
Consistently number one
We are the network that viewers choose
Fair and balanced news
See our ratings we don’t lose
Beating the rest in TV news

One thing’s for certain, we’re here to stay
As our fifteenth, we celebrate
News-gathering redefined, our news channel’s one of a kind
So many wished we would fail
But we proved we’re far from frail
And winning we are as behind us they do trail

Our talent can’t be matched, one can’t deny
But sadly still they try
Bill O’Reilly and Hannity, Shepard Smith and Megyn Kelly
With Fox & Friends on the couch we sit
While Cavuto gives a financial twist
We go live with The Five and tough questions Baier doesn’t miss

Joy to the world for Fox News Channel
The most trusted name in news
The best in breaking news, exclusive interviews
We are the ones to beat
Defeat we shall not meet
So into the background the rest do retreat

The unexpected take-away from this one is that all networks are driven by sheep.


  1. Anonymous says:

    Well, if Fox “News” says it, it must be so.

    I love how the card shows teams of SHEEP instead of reindeer… Looks like they know the audience who drives those ratings. Of course spectacle always gets eyeballs. Maybe in the new year they’ll top their own numbers by having their performers light themselves on fire on air!

  2. Anonymous says:

    Hey….they left Greta out.  Not cool !!  Maybe that’s because she’s the only one on Fox who knows what she’s talking about…..ya think?

  3. Sgoldreich says:

    considers viewers as sheep to be harnessed and driven. On Moron! On
    Dupe! On Cretin and Stupid! To the edge of the cliff. Past the edge of
    sanity. Fall all the way down with O’Reilly and Hannity!

  4. Anonymous says:

    This is what the lamestream media thinks of you. You’re merely a sheep to follow their rhetoric, to pull their sled. Fox has more “sheep” than the competition, so their mind control is superior to the others. So do you agree with Fox News? Are you a stupid sheep that follows everything they say?