Holiday Gift Guide: Gifts I Never Want to Receive

This is from the "For Him" section at Sharper Image. Aside from the fact that I mostly like to bury my money in secret holes I've dug in several American deserts—and convert the rest of my earnings into gold bullion—this wallet looks stupid.
This is a picture of some random family. Their festive-ness, like all festive-ness, looks pretty forced.
Go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKj92352UAE
"Hey, Ma. Dad. Merry Christmas to you too. I also heard this movie was really gripping and—woah that's Michael Fassbender's wang."
Advertisement
Fitness! Health! Weight Loss! Nutrition! Sex! Style! Guy Wisdom!
Ghost of Christmas Present is just the worst. And I don't like being awoken in the middle of the night.
Life is filled with pain and misery and general human suffering, and I don't really like sports very much.
Advertisement
Because, as the ad states, my crumbling meat loaf is a pain to serve and I'm tired of the bottom getting so soggy it just falls apart. That Ultra Cuddle crap can go to hell, though.

The gifts I do like fall more into the money/free food department. Reader, you’ve been warned.

Must Reads

We noticed you're using an ad blocker.

We get it: you like to have control of your own internet experience.
But advertising revenue helps support our journalism.

To read our full stories, please turn off your ad blocker.

We'd really appreciate it.

How Do I Whitelist Observer?

How Do I Whitelist Observer?

Below are steps you can take in order to whitelist Observer.com on your browser:

For Adblock:

Click the AdBlock button on your browser and select Don't run on pages on this domain.

For Adblock Plus on Google Chrome:

Click the AdBlock Plus button on your browser and select Enabled on this site.

For Adblock Plus on Firefox:

Click the AdBlock Plus button on your browser and select Disable on Observer.com.

Then Reload the Page