The gifts I do like fall more into the money/free food department. Reader, you’ve been warned.
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The Stainless Steel Wallet
This is from the "For Him" section at Sharper Image. Aside from the fact that I mostly like to bury my money in secret holes I've dug in several American deserts—and convert the rest of my earnings into gold bullion—this wallet looks stupid.
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Holiday Cheer
This is a picture of some random family. Their festive-ness, like all festive-ness, looks pretty forced.
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This 1998 'N Sync Christmas album
Go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKj92352UAE
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Free tickets to see Shame with my parents
"Hey, Ma. Dad. Merry Christmas to you too. I also heard this movie was really gripping and—woah that's Michael Fassbender's wang."
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A subscription to Men's Health
Fitness! Health! Weight Loss! Nutrition! Sex! Style! Guy Wisdom!
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A visit from a series of ghosts trying to inspire me with the “Christmas spirit.”
Ghost of Christmas Present is just the worst. And I don't like being awoken in the middle of the night.
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Mein Kampf
Duh.
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Sports Memorabilia
Life is filled with pain and misery and general human suffering, and I don't really like sports very much.
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Any product from As Seen On TV except for the Perfect Meatloaf thing
Because, as the ad states, my crumbling meat loaf is a pain to serve and I'm tired of the bottom getting so soggy it just falls apart. That Ultra Cuddle crap can go to hell, though.
