The Sadistic Superintendent

The Sadistic Superintendent

Like a bartender, a superintendent is someone you must tip, no matter how poorly they treat you. Even if it took four months for your building’s super to replace the hall light, and even if he watched and ignored every delivery person that stood, baffled, before your (still) broken buzzer, you simply can’t risk his retribution. A houseplant makes for a thoughtful holiday gift; you know firsthand how dreary your place gets. We recommend an rare, expensive, and extremely high maintenance varietal, like this Zygo orchid, at orchids.com Its daily regimen of watering and rotation means he has to at least stop by the building once a day. It’s also very sensitive to temperature fluctuations. When it dies instantly and violently, maybe you can finally persuade him to adjust the radiators in your unit.

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