Sorry: Texts From Bennett, Your New Favorite Blog, Is All Just a Lie (Made Up By That “Look At Me Now” Kitchen Rapper)

tumblr luqjj3f8an1qk9nrro1 500 e1322863673252 Sorry: Texts From Bennett, Your New Favorite Blog, Is All Just a Lie (Made Up By That Look At Me Now Kitchen Rapper)

Oh, Bennett: Destroyer of dreams, kinda.

Maybe you’ve heard of Texts From Bennett? It’s a Tumblr that’s blazed an incredible, viral trail through the internet over the past few days, made up of texts from some anonymous blogger’s younger cousin Bennett, described as a “17 YEAR-OLD” who “THINKS HE’S A CRIP, WORKS AT AMOCO, HAS A GIRLFRIEND NAMED MERCEDES, AND IS ONE OF THE MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY AND BRILLIANT SOULS ON THE PLANET.” They are also, as the site says, “100% REAL.”

Except, not.

The Smoking Gun reports that they’re 100% (NOT TOTALLY) REAL and CREATED BY THE 30 YEAR-OLD GUY BEHIND ONE OF THE MOST UNINTENTIONALLY UNFUNNY AND SURPRISINGLY VIRAL HITS AS OF LATE GIVEN HOW PATENTLY UNIMPRESSED BY IT WE ARE, WHICH PUTS US IN THE MINORITY BUT WHATEVER, who you may better know as “Mac Lethal” (aka David Sheldon of Kansas), he of the “Look At Me Now” kitchen rap. Recognize this?

Yup. Same guy as Texts From Bennett, whose identity was sluethed out by talking to—who else?—his dad. But there is some validity to it:

The elder Sheldon went on to note that his son has a friend who is prone to “Yogi Berraisms” and that he uses some of these malaprops for the “Bennett” blog. The friend’s name, he said, “has been chaged to protect the innocent.”

“Mac writes them,” Sheldon said, “and puts it in the form of texts.”

And of course, like any internet fraud (or quasi-fraud) who was smoked out of their hole, he is pissed at the reporter for figuring out the truth of the matter:

Sheldon declined to disclose the true name of “Bennett,” and refused to provide any information to corroborate his claim that the texts are real. Claiming that his cousin is unaware that he is publishing the texts, Sheldon said that he would do nothing to risk alerting his kin. “He can’t ever know I do this at his expense,” he said.

Sheldon criticized a TSG reporter, saying, “You try to ruin the fun for everyone.” He then added, “We’re trying to protect the storyline.”

That said, David Sheldon deserves some kind of Presidential Merit Award for Ridiculous Things People Wasted Time Looking At On The Internet In One Week. Texts From Sheldon exploded over two days; his kitchen cooking video has millions of views. The two weren’t connected until after the fact. For the record, that’s really, really impressive, even if some of it is a load of shit. Also, against all odds, they are still legitimately funny, even after the fact:

tumblr lvj2plspw91qk9nrro1 500 e1322863570726 Sorry: Texts From Bennett, Your New Favorite Blog, Is All Just a Lie (Made Up By That Look At Me Now Kitchen Rapper)

fkamer@observer.com | @weareyourfek