The Ties That Blind US

135499852 The Ties That Blind US

Romney and Gingrich.

In this modern world of supposed transparency in all things, it’s sometimes hard to see the correlation between seemingly random events. Butterfly wings in Africa and all that. We couldn’t help but notice that the morning after Mayor Bloomberg condemned the Morning After pill (also known as Plan B, for Barack Obama, who wants all children to have lots of unprotected sex), the stock market started to rise again after some devastating trading on Friday and Monday. Could it be that a certain cadre of finance professionals, crazed over their inability to get back on the dating scene after leaving an incomprehensible, rambling messages to a stranger they met at the Philharmonic (check the Internet if you don’t know what we’re talking about) have decided that as long as they’re not having sex, no one in the world should either? They’re probably outliers, granted, but it could explain what we’re seeing here.

Elsewhere, the strangely similar circular winding of Paul Krugman’s Times op-eds about the euro and economic depression and Frank Bruni’s nostalgic ramblings betray a distinct possibility that Jill Abramson is hedging her bets, mixing and matching convolution with complexity and hoping that one or the other will appeal. (We find one more entertaining than the other, and we’re not gonna say which. But we’d like to suggest a co-bylined column, if only to marvel at the results.)

And speaking of bets, here’s a relationship we can explain: Newt Gingrich is suddenly winning this Republican primary, while Rick Perry has gone up a notch on the bonkers scale. Not only does the Texas governor’s new anti-gay “Strong” ad rip off the musical stylings of Aaron Copland, a gay composer, but he’s induced a heretofore unknown wild betting streak in Mormon candidate and ultimate Highlander foe, Mitt Romney. The bet was initiated after Governor Perry needled Mr. Romney about some chapters taken out of his second book, No Apologies and had Mr. Romney so hopping mad that he put $10k on the table to prove that he never suggested a national mandate on health care. The obvious result of this is that we all realize that underneath that cool exterior, Mitt Romney probably has more in common with than Rick Perry (a strong correlation, shall we say) than possible use of similar hair product, making Mr. Gingrich the only viable horse left in this race. And now per their previous arrangement, Mr. Gingrich would like to nominate Governor Perry to be his vice-presidential candidate. Butterfly wings, etc.