Events This Week: Gary’s Crazy-Ass 2012 Tech Predictions Edition

sponsor garys red tie Events This Week: Garys Crazy Ass 2012 Tech Predictions EditionThis is a guest post from Gary Sharma (aka “The Guy with the Red Tie”), Founder of GarysGuide, Mentor at ER Accelerator and proud owner of a whole bunch of black suits, white shirts and, at last count, over 40 red ties. You can reach him at gary [at]

Oh hi there 2012. I didn’t notice you walk in cuz I was still transfixed (and a little traumatized) watching our CEO / Mayor Mike Bloomberg locking lips ‘n slow dancing with Lady Gaga. Srsly, Mike for President, y’all! Anyhoo … now as u know, my raison d’etre in life is to provide you folks with enough juicy nuggets of info to be able to fake it in any water cooler / cocktail party / social-media-expert-panel tech banterfest. And so I’ve put together a few so-obvious-even-yo-mama-knows-they-are-coming tech predictions for 2012. You’re welcome.

Me Social. Me Hungry!
The hideous hydra headed monster that is Social, has all but devoured and picked clean the consumer pieces of the web. But its voracious appetite for liking, commenting and sharing is still not satiated and so as it casts its menacing eye about, it will eventually settle on the stodgy but ripe for the picking fat enterprise-y portions of the web. Hide yo’ sharepoints! Hide yo’ lotus notes!

As Easy As Apple Pie
Apple in 2012 is going to be like a juiced up A-Rod stepping up to the plate against a puny little minor leaguer. Sooo unfair. No more incremental crap this year. Its gonna be a spanking new iPad (eta Mar), a spanking new Siri enabled Apple TV (eta Jun) and a spanking new iPhone 5 (eta Sep). Yes Apple TV is fer real, ppl. Don’t believe me? Cuz I’ll blog about it if ya push me to it. Whats one more blog post on top of 500 others claiming to say its coming, ja?

Omg! Beliebers! Vids! Vids! Vids!
If you thought that the world had more than enough video than it could handle, then u don’t know what u’re talking about, good sir. Cuz live streaming from ur phones is about to get real. How real? Well do u know what happens when a bajillion Gen-Y teenagers get their grubby little hands on a bajillion smartphones and start recording and streaming every single little nauseating detail about their lives? I don’t know about u but I’m starting to buy into the whole world-is-ending-in-2012 blather πŸ˜‰

You say voice recognition, I say sentient overlords
And oh ya, if u’ve been getting a kick outta Siri and her funny little quirky responses, mark my words, there’s gonna come a day later this year when u are lolling on ur couch, watching ur fancy schmancy new apple tv with ur mouth stuffed with oreos and chips and out of the corner of ur eye u will catch Siri looking at u with a quiet but menacingly evil little smile … and u will have the panic alarms going off in ur head …… but it will be too late ……… oh noes …………….

And now lets see which events are going to be leading off our lineup this year…

TechStars NYC Spring Program Happy Hour
Boozin’ ‘n schmoozing with the techstars gang. This is what life is all about, yo.
Tuesday, 7 p.m. @ Central Bar, 109 E 9th Street

January 2012 NY Tech Meetup
The mothership is back with mo’ demos and mo’ fun. Now the big question is when will it cross the 20,000 member barrier. Its at 19,737. Sooooo close. You know what? Lets make it interesting! I’ll give a special prize to whoever ends up being member # 20,000. The lucky winner will get … wait for it … 2 weeks of free ad space on my Red Tie! (well the tie is sold out but i’ll figure something out even if i have to wear the sticker on my forehead πŸ˜‰
Wednesday, 7 p.m. @ NYU Skirball Center For The Performing Arts, 566 LaGuardia Place

Zaarly NYC Startup Crawl
I have one word for you. SHWAGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
Thursday, 5:30 p.m. @ Unigo, VaynerMedia, Adaptly and Spotify, 386 Park Ave South 6th Floor

How To Get Into Techstars NYC
Cuz really who better to teach u ’bout how to get into TechStars than the 2 Davids themselves, no? Best 5 bucks you’ll spend all year.
Thursday, 7 p.m. @ NYU Stern Kaufman Management Center, 44 W 4th Street Room 2-60

Women 2.0 Founder Friday New York
I’ll be there, surrounded by some of the smartest, most intelligent and amazing women entrepreneurs in tech.
Friday, 6 p.m. @ Venue, To Be Decided

A Startup Store Event with Birchbox/Jouer
Well technically not a startup event but it is the holiday ‘n shopping season and it will mean supporting local fashion startups. So yeah, u should go!
Saturday, 2 p.m. @ A Startup Store, 144 10th Avenue

More on the horizon…

NJ Tech Meetup 20
Monday Jan 9, 7 p.m. @ Babbio Center, Stevens Institute Of Technology, Hoboken

NY Gaming Meetup
Wednesday, Jan 11, 7 p.m. @ General Assembly, 902 Broadway, 4th Floor

Investor Feedback Forum and Pitch Showdown
Thusday, Jan 12, 6:30 p.m. @ Microsoft, 1290 Sixth Avenue

iOS 5 Tech Talk World Tour 2011
Friday, Jan 13, 5:30 p.m. @ Millenium Broadway, 145 W 44th Street

Women Entrepreneurs Festival
Wednesday, Jan 18, 9 a.m. @ NYU Tisch School of the Arts, 721 Broadway

Until next week. Stay thirsty social, my friends! πŸ˜‰