The most likely, of last night’s awards, to an awards-show junkie in 2002 imagining the hazy future:
1. Meryl Streep. Sure! Bet the speech was great.
2. Christopher Plummer. Glad he’s still around!
3. Martin Scorsese. He deserves some recognition!
4. George Clooney. Did he win for playing Cary Grant?
Middling likelihood–not impossible to imagine, but sort of weird:
5. Michelle Williams. It’s nice that the girl from Dawson’s Creek figured it out. But if Michelle Williams has a Golden Globe, Katie Holmes must have two Oscars, right?
6. Claire Danes. It’s nice, and unexpected, that the girl from My So-Called Life figured it out. So, is Jordan Catalano a movie star?
7. Jessica Lange. She’s not a recluse in 2012? She says lines, on camera, and not just to the mirror in her creepy haunted mansion? Oh, she played an old witchy lady living in a mansion full of ghosts–that makes much more sense. Moving her up to spot #3.
7. Kelsey Grammer. Frasier is still on? They convinced the cast to keep coming back? Wow, NBC must be the number-one network!
8. Matt LeBlanc. Friends is still on? See above.
9. No one accepted their award riding a hoverboard. Truly tests credulity of what 2012 will be like.
10. Madonna. Did “original song from a movie” stop being a thing that really exists, with integrity, at all? What a terrifying future!
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