After a playoff drought of two years and a season that could only be described as “mildly inconsistent,” the New York Giants are headed to the playoffs after decimating the Dallas Cowboys last night at the Metlife stadium. Here’s what you’ll need to know in order to have intelligent cocktail conversation about our resident champion sports team.
1. They play football, and the team does not include Kim Kardashian‘s ex, Kris Humphries. That’s basketball, and barely.
2. If you find yourself talking to Brandon Jacobs, Victor Cruz, Tom Coughlin, or Justin Tuck, ix-nay on the Edskinsr and Eahawks, kayo?
3. Those names we just mentioned? Yeah, they’re all part of the New York Giants. Except for Tom Coughlin, who is the team’s coach. So if you’re stuck for ideas, you can always go “Oh yeah, that Tom Coughlin really led the team to a great season!” Or “I like that little blue hat Tom Coughlin’s wears during games.” Did you know that Coach Coughlin originally studied to be a priest? Or that last night was the first time he smiled since he was 18?
4. The New York Giants’ colors are sometimes blue and white, so no, you didn’t just walk into a very large bar-mitzvah.
5. If you see anyone from the New York Jets, try to console them by talking about what great seats they’re going to have for the Superbowl this year.
6. Cruzing is the new Tebowing: It’s slightly more complicated though, as it involves some advanced dance maneuvers.