To Do Saturday: Behold a Tan Housewife

The end is drawing nigh, we’re sure of it! We no longer need any Nostradamian prophecies—we’re witnessing it with our very eyes! How else could you possibly explain the twisted, grotesque marriage occurring today on Long Island? Yes, the rumors are true: Teresa Giudice the overtanned villainess of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, will be hosting an event at … steady yourselves … the Ferrari dealership on Long Island. We’re feeling horribly betrayed by a brand we once trusted as a bastion of the leather-gloved elite, not a platform for postbankruptcy reality stars to hawk their latest books (Ms. Giudice is promoting her Italian cookbook, Fabulicious. Horrawful?). The event, which will benefit the charity Harboring Hearts, is being billed as “An Evening of Fashion, Food and Ferraris.” We imagine those gleaming, pristine automobiles stranded among leopard print dresses. Pity the stallion sports cars, and watch out for flying tables!


Experience Italy: An Evening of Fashion, Food and Ferraris. Ferrari Maserati of Long Island, 650 South Service Road, Plainview. Tickets, $85, available by calling 516-671-7575, ext. 308.