How to Get Arrested for Insider Trading, in Two Easy Steps

tumblr lf1fm4nckb1qfoa42 e1329520856225 How to Get Arrested for Insider Trading, in Two Easy StepsA tech analyst named John Kinnucan was arrested today, accused of insider trading on tech companies that resulted in $110 Million in illegal, insider trader-y gains. Maybe as important as his crime is the example he sets for future generations of those whose lifelong dream it is to get your door busted down by the F.B.I., arrested for insider trading, and consequently extradited to New York for trial.

Mr. Knnucan’s experiences set a handy, simple, two-step example for those seeking to tread the same path he’s taken:

1. Engage in insider trading. While Mr. Kinnucan has yet to be convicted for the crime he is accused of, this is obviously of great importance if you want to get arrested for insider trading.

2. Dare the government to arrest you. Both figuratively:

“How the f–k can you live?” Kinnucan said to the cooperating witness in a voice mail on Feb. 11, according to the government. “Do you have a family, do you have children, do you have a wife? How can you even walk down the street, why don’t you just f–king kill yourself?”

And/or literally:

Federal agents first approached Mr. Kinnucan at his Portland, Ore., home in late 2010…Mr. Kinnucan…fired off an e-mail to warn his clients. “Today two fresh faced eager beavers from the FBI showed up unannounced (obviously) on my doorstep thoroughly convinced that my clients have been trading on copious inside information,” the e-mail said. “We obviously beg to differ, so have therefore declined the young gentleman’s gracious offer to wear a wire and therefore ensnare you in their devious web.”

In the months after the e-mail surfaced, Mr. Kinnucan granted dozens of interviews to the media, lambasting the government’s efforts while defending himself. Later, as the case dragged on, his communications grew stranger. He fired off rants against the federal prosecutors investigating the case – notes that included expletives and racial epithets. He dared the government to arrest him.

It’s practically foolproof. Questions?

Government Snares a Vocal Critic in Latest Insider Trading Charges [Dealbook]
Kinnucan’s Phone Threats Should Bar His Release, U.S. Says [Bloomberg]
SEC charges tech analyst with insider trading [CNN Money]

fkamer@observer.com | @weareyourfek

Comments

  1. Ed says:

    Question: Can Betabeat write a factual article without doing so by stroking themselves off, while pouring copious amounts of sarcasm all over their articles and bare chests? Or is there some sort of financial incentive for sounding douchy?

  2. Toad says:

    1. You can’t do this it is wrong and not legal you will go to jail.

    2. Unless your a Congressman of course then you can do it all you want to No Problem.