The Mayans were right. We’re all going to die this year. And those of us who aren’t going to be zipped up to Kirk Cameron’s version of Heaven will be left behind to deal with the reckoning here on Earth.
Of course, the first signs of any impending apocalypse comes via celebrity news.
So consider this your final warning: take heed of these four horsemen that portend the world collapsing in upon itself like a dying star (or at least one considering Celebrity Rehab) and repent. Repent!
Pauly Shore is DYING...to make a terrible sequel
"These also [shall be] unclean unto you among the creeping things that creep upon the earth; the weasel, and the mouse, and the tortoise after his kind." -Leviticus 11
Rob Kardashian and Joe Jonas to judge Miss USA Pageant
The inhabitants of the earth will gloat over them and will celebrate by sending each other gifts, because these two prophets had tormented those who live on the earth. - Revelation 11:10
Nicole Kidman pees on Zac Efron in The Paperboy
Keep not your worship to yourselves, but let it fall like a golden shower from the heavens on men beneath. - Psalms 148:1
Bill Clinton hangs out with porn stars
These men gave the women bracelets and beautiful crowns, and I noticed that the men were eager to have sex with these women, though they were exhausted from being prostitutes. - Ezekiel 23
Wait, sorry, he thought you said 'high'