Adele, Sad Singer, Is Pregnant

Adele, whose Grammy-winning album 21 documents her own mistreatment at the hands of callous men, has announced that she is pregnant by her boyfriend, Simon Konecki. “Im delighted [sic] to announce that Simon and I are expecting our first child together,” she writes.

But what will she use as grist for the ballads now? (Surely she’ll think of something.)