Sandy Hook Yacht Explosion Ruled a Hoax—Or Weed-Fueled Prank

 Sandy Hook Yacht Explosion Ruled a Hoax—Or Weed Fueled PrankThe report of an exploded motor yacht off the coast of Sandy Hook was deemed most likely a hoax, according to the Coast Guard having just spent hundreds of thousands of dollars and five hours of emergency mass casualty efforts by air and sea, yesterday evening.

An unidentified person made the distress call via radio transmission— at the (coincidentally) stoner-loving time of 4:20pm. The caller claimed a boat named the Blind Date had exploded  and then sunk 17 nautical miles off the coast of central New Jersey. It was reported that all 21 passengers had made it onto life rafts but many were suffering injuries from the incident.

“We got to the reported location within the hour but by 6:30 we looked into the possibility of it being a hoax call,” Captain Gregory P. Hitchen of the Coast Guard, said in a press conference at 10am this morning. “With the weather conditions last night, if there was an explosion like the one reported it would have been easy to spot debris, bright orange life rafts or an oil slick from one of our helicopters.”

After determining the call was most likely a scam, the Coast Guard offered a $3,000 reward for anyone with information about the person responsible for the false reports. If prosecuted, this federal offense could cost the prankster fines up to $250,000 or 10 years in prison.

“There are many motives for one to do such a thing,” Captain Hitchens explained. “For a variety of reasons, people like the attention they get from watching the boats and helicopters go out and search. It’s very strange.”

June 14 2011, almost exactly a year ago, an unidentified caller reported a sinking 33-foot sailboat with four passengers taking on water in the same Sandy Hook bay. Like yesterday’s effort, the search was extensive but fruitless and later ruled as a hoax. The Coast Guard is currently looking into the possibility of a connection between the two incidents. While last years call was at 3:20 and not 4:20, the internet is still abuzz with the possible non-coincidence of yesterdays prankster making his report at a universally adopted “burn time” for marijuana users.

Isn’t the general mainstream consensus that stoners are relaxed and unmotivated? Whatever happened to listening to The Dark Side of The Moon while tripping off of the technicolor visuals of The Wizard of Oz and wolfing down Taco Bell in your parents basement?