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Everything You Never Knew You Didn’t Want For the Fourth of July

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By Jess Schiewe 7/03/12 12:20pm
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  • American Flag Beer Cozy
    Start The Slideshow

    Celebrate Independence Day this year by spending your money on unnecessary displays of affection for our dear country. Be independent! Spend frivolously! Extra points for buying things that were made in the U.S.

  • Back Forward American Flag Beer Cozy

    American Flag Beer Cozy

    For those who want to (patriotically) drink in public.

  • Back Forward Stars and Stripes Inflatable Rifle

    Stars and Stripes Inflatable Rifle

    Not for children under 3, or from liberal households.

  • Back Forward Eagle Wine Holder

    Eagle Wine Holder

    Loving embrace? Or sexual harassment? We're not sure.

  • Back Forward American Flag Detachable Collar

    American Flag Detachable Collar

    Sweater optional.

  • Back Forward Patriotic Print Toilet Paper

    Patriotic Print Toilet Paper

    For those who want to feel close to their country ... really close.

  • Back Forward Handmade American Flag Bustier

    Handmade American Flag Bustier

    The seller says it better than us:
    "Let me help you picture yourself wearing this.
    First, I need you to open your iTunes and put on any song from Katy Perry's chart-topping album Teenage Dream. I recommend "California Girls," but no pressure. Next, I'm going to need you to open Youtube and put on a Wonder Woman best fight scenes video montage. Fingers crossed that fans actually have made these. If not, a Linda Carter fan slideshow could do the trick. Make sure that Youtube is on silent, otherwise it will be all "ahhh what is happening". Lastly, lock your door, put on the red lipstick you just stole from your mom/cross dressing dad, take your hair down and do a couple flips with it, and do your best flash dance impression."

  • Back Forward American Flag Beer Pong Table

    American Flag Beer Pong Table

    How else does one meet people at parties?

  • Back Forward Patriotic Pipe

    Patriotic Pipe

    Maybe next July you'll be able to use this in public.

  • Back Forward Faux Fourth of July Cake

    Faux Fourth of July Cake

    Starvation: Celebrating your independence one skipped meal at a time.

  • Back American Flag Sunglasses

    American Flag Sunglasses

    Stunner shades—because sometimes you want to keep how hard you partied to yourself.

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