Straight Outta Beta, Branch Finally Addresses the Important Questions

Branching out into pop culture.

Maybe it’s the scarf?

Less than a day since it switched out of private beta, Branch is already proving that its civilized discussion platform can house more than dry tech speculation or a chorus of bubble cant. Today, fellow Betaworker Lauren Leto used to platform to ask the question burning up literary hearts across New York City: Fuck, Marry, Kill the Jonathans (i.e. authors Jonathan Franzen, Jonathan Safran Foer, and Jonathan Lethem).

Early results do not bode for Mr. Safran Foer, who seems to incite a murderous impulse in participants, whereas Mr. Lethem has been universally deemed marriage material. That leaves Mr. Franzen for a pastoral roll in the hay. Writes Ms. Leto, “I would fuck Franzen but I’d do it drunk, at the end of a late night at a dive when we’re the last two people left at the bar from our group. I’d leave before he wakes in the morning. He’d still make me feel bad about myself.” True. Plus, he’d probably insist the birds watch.