Douglas.

Is there anything more beautiful than feeling the cool air of fall start to kick back up? Then again, is there anything more depressing than coming to realize in the very same moment that summer has nearly passed? Sure, we’ve spent these waning days of late July and early August complaining about the heat, but who ever wants to contemplate seasonal change? What did we really do with our summer, after all?

Well, for starters, we were introduced to a few new people making a name for themselves in London. The Games of the XXX Olympiad, as they are officially known, brought us, among others, Gabby Douglas, that high-flying 16-year-old who managed to defy gravity and, perhaps more impressively, take our minds off the swimmers for a moment. She won’t be going anywhere soon—as long as we’re eating our Corn Flakes. But it does appear that Bob Costas needed a time-out. Why else would NBC leave him locked all alone in a room, while
everyone else on the NBC team was out on the town?

There was plenty happening stateside as well. It seems that when certain people say “I’ll be back,” they mean it—like the Terminator himself, who has reinvented his career once more. The former governor is now Professor Arnold Schwarzenegger, of the University of Southern California. There he’ll sit on the board of advisors at the Schwarzenegger Institute for State and Global Policy. He’ll also be the Governor Downey Professor of State and Global Policy at his shiny new think tank. Things are looking on the up for the body-builder-turned-actor-turned-politico-turned-tabloid-fodder. He might have been able to resurrect his career, but let’s face it, Total Recall is past saving after Colin Farrell’s clunker of a remake left us in desperate search for our own memory-alteration apparatus.

Speaking of Hollywoodland, there was a whole lotta hubbub when Twilight stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart—long rumored to be a couple—were officially deemed an item through news of their very publicized breakup, after Ms. Stewart was caught lip-locking with her married Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders. Though the “trampire”—as she was dubbed by Will Ferrell—seems to be on her way out of the public’s fair graces, we still have Natalie Portman, whose “official” wedding to Benjamin Millepied, with whom she is raising a son, Aleph, was perfect. The ceremony was Jewish and vegan, which takes care of all those pesky kosher issues.

On the smaller screen, Mariah Carey will be joining American Idol to replace Steven Tyler—and there is a slight possibility that Nick Jonas may join the panel as well. Sharon Osbourne is leaving America’s Got Talent, while her son, Jack Osbourne, was dropped from the Dick Wolf reality show contest about being in the military, Stars Earn Stripes. And finally, we were reminded that a Housewife by any other name is still a Housewife, after the big season shake-up left us with a bunch of new women and a bunch of the same drama. Ramona Singer versus Heather Thompson? Déjà vu, anyone?

But what did we learn this summer? That we haven’t learned anything at all.