Abe Stanway is a simple man. He doesn’t ask for much, just one good taco in this godforsaken metropolis. But there’s another thing the Etsy developer really wants–something that the vindictive, nostalgia-hungry startup Timehop has denied him for almost a year. It’s the @Abe Twitter handle, which is currently occupied by Timehop’s dinosaur mascot.
Mr. Stanway first noted that the handle was taken when Timehop announced its funding back in January. “My heart skipped several beats as I realized my personal brand was being hijacked by a dinosaur,” he lamented to Betabeat over email, his frustration palpable. “I watched my career prospects dwindle by the hour, alongside my professional relationships which shortly crumbled and burst into flames.”
Mr. Stanway said he initially brought his concerns to Timehop, where his plea for the handle was callously rejected. “For my silence, I extended an offer to Timehop for 20 percent of their company,” he wrote. “I was turned down. That is why I’m going to the press. This oppression shall not stand.”
Jonathan Wegener, Timehop’s CEO and a close personal friend of Abe the dinosaur, told us that the startup has no interest in placating the pitiable Etsy developer and acquiescing the handle. “NEVERRRR,” Mr. Wegener replied, when asked if he would ever consider giving up @Abe.
Indeed, the tension between the two startup kids threatened to burst open this reporter’s inbox. “I once stayed at Jon Wegener’s house for Airbnb. I almost brought it up, but didn’t for fear of sleeping on the streets that night,” Mr. Stanway said.
We asked Mr. Wegener what Mr. Stanway would have to do in order to nab the precious three letter Twitter handle. What if he 3D printed you a real dinosaur to display in the Timehop office? we asked. Or developed arm extensions that would give dino Abe the dexterity his little T-rex heart so desires?
“We’re having too much fun playing the @timehop and the @abe accounts off each other,” he admitted. “That said, a life-sized robotic dinosaur version of abe might go a long way in swaying our feelings.”
For now, Mr. Stanway will have to be contented with his current handle, @abestanway, as a certain backpack-toting cartoon T-rex viciously watches the Etsy developer’s personal brand go extinct, like so many of his friends.