Gwyneth Brings GOOP to Brooklyn and Now We All Have to Leave

unpretentious Gwyneth Brings GOOP to Brooklyn and Now We All Have to Leave

Only Gwyneth Paltrow would call the Williamsburg area “unpretentious.”

Gwyneth Paltrow has bought her GOOP newsletter to Brooklyn, meaning that all the hip 20-somethings must now pack up their fair-trade bindles and move to Queens.

She has strong ties to the borough: her dad was born in Brooklyn Jewish Hospital. Ms. Paltrow likes using her father to give her credibility. What gives her the authority to write a cookbook? Because her dad liked food. Why is she now a Brooklyn expert? Her dad was born there. Yikes.

Here’s a partial list of places you can never be caught dead in again:


The hipsters will be so sad:

marlow Gwyneth Brings GOOP to Brooklyn and Now We All Have to Leave

Bushwick is officially gentrified:
robertas Gwyneth Brings GOOP to Brooklyn and Now We All Have to Leave

Have we all been there, Gwen?
perfume Gwyneth Brings GOOP to Brooklyn and Now We All Have to Leave

Somehow we really doubt Paltrow’s made it to Red Hook. Especially a place called “The Intercourse.”
intercourse Gwyneth Brings GOOP to Brooklyn and Now We All Have to Leave

Actually these make sense. Park Slope might actually be the perfect place for Gwyn.
parkslope Gwyneth Brings GOOP to Brooklyn and Now We All Have to Leave
larder Gwyneth Brings GOOP to Brooklyn and Now We All Have to Leave

Wait … Black Mountain was our little secret neighborhood bar!!
black Gwyneth Brings GOOP to Brooklyn and Now We All Have to Leave

Damn you, Gwyneth!