Paging Margaret Sullivan: David Pogue’s Creepy Christmas Involves Underage Girls, Unintelligible Accents, and Brain-Controlled Cat Ears [Video]

The new not normal (CBS)

The new not normal (CBS)

So we already knew that David Pogue was a little bit…off. The New York Times reporter has a reputation for being both the most famous tech writer in the country as well as the most controversial. He’s been accused of shilling for Apple and FoxConn, which produces Apple products, and possibly dating one of their publicists. These are all pretty sketchy things.

But nothing explains this Christmas video he made for CBS Sunday Morning, where he appears as a weekend tech consultant correspondent in a strange, non-conflict of interest arrangement. In the video he plays Techno Claus who for some reason sounds a lot like Mike Myers’s Linda Richman in “Coffee Talk.” And that’s just the beginning.

So just some quick notes here:
a) Although he doesn’t blatantly promote any Apple gizmos, Techno Claus does include a $30 Monopoly game which is only different from regular Monopoly because you use your iPad to transfer the fake cash, and appears to be holding an iPhone while plugging the POP Bluetooth handset. And there are about five iPads sitting in the shot where he tries to sell $100 wireless speakers.

b) “You might think I’m hiding some elf puppeteers, but no—these are actually brain-controlled ears!” is something an INSANE person might say.

c) This product also power to control the brains of four high-school-aged girls, who all rush to kiss the 49-year-old in a Santa costume and brain-controlled cat ears.

d) No seriously, why is he talking like that?

e) The part where he suggests a Kindle for a good Christmas gift because it’s cheap, and then spends the whole time deriding it for not being more like a tablet.

f) For Techno Claus, these are all pretty shitty presents. Most of them existed last year, and with the exception of the GPS dog tracker, none of them actuallymake your life easier. (Just weirder, and potentially involving a statutory rape conviction.)

Then again, what else can you expect from the guy who started his 2006 TED Talk with a parody of “Sound of Silence” that morphs into a weird confession about how he fantasizes about the guys from tech support dying in motorcycle crashes?

Well, whatever. Who’s to judge. We’re not the ones with the Emmy or NYT column, after all.