Obama to Be Inaugurated Surrounded By Dozens of Dignitaries Armed With Yogurt

"Getting yogurt on the president, you've got a story to tell!"

(Chobani.com)

(Chobani.com)

Seeing as President Barack Obama once wore yogurt at a Boulder, Co., event last spring, it’s mildly surprising that the very same dairy treat has been selected to be part of January 21’s Presidential Inauguration.

U.S. Senator Charles Schumer of New York, who is the Chairman of the Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies (JCCIC), announced today that both Chobani and Fage yogurt will be served before the Inaugural Luncheon. We suppose Senator Schumer missed our cover story on the cruel tyranny of yogurt.

The President, however, is well-acquainted with yogurt’s evil side. Many will remember an incident this past April when an overly excited college student spilled a healthy helping of a certain purple snack straight on to the POTUS’s pants.

“You got me!” Obama joked at the time, adding “Getting yogurt on the president, you’ve got a story to tell.”

Instead of choosing New York’s most well-known export, cynicism, the Senator chose Greek yogurt to represent the state—Fage is produced in Johnstown, N.Y., and Chobani in New Berlin, N.Y.—no doubt forgetting the President’s previous history with the dairy product. Sadly, the exemplary form of yogurt–Go-Gurt–will not be present.

Sixty dignitaries, including the President and Vice President and their families, will have enough plain and vanilla yogurt on hand to coat the Commander in Chief from head to toe. Strawberries, pineapples, pears and granola will also be offered as toppings, for those who prefer their yogurt with extra lumps. The yogurt will be available in the U.S. Capitol building throughout the day on the 21st, leading up to the official luncheon.

The Senator’s office refused to identify whether either of the brands selected was the very culture culprit party to the President’s past indiscretion.