After intense debate revolving around whether the new Miss America is from Park Slope or Windsor Terrace the internet can officially take a break: Mallory Hagan is officially getting the fuck out of Brooklyn.
“Unfortunately for the year I have to, but I’ll be back as soon as my year as Miss America is up,” Ms. Hagan told Brooklyn Daily.
Naturally, multiple reporters inquired about her favorite neighborhood adventures, and it’s difficult for us to determine which aspects of Brooklyn Ms. Hagan will miss the most. But since we strive for journalistic objectivity, we’ll sit back while readers decide for themselves:
“I don’t really often go on dates with my boyfriend out in Brooklyn.”
“I don’t spend a lot of time hanging out with my neighbors.”
[The Wall Street Journal asks if she’s attended a Nets game] “I haven’t yet, unfortunately.”
Apparently she hasn’t “been on the subway system” since her victory. Come on, Mal, even Jay-Z is down to travel with us plebes via “the subway system.”
But, Ms. Hagan has seen the majority of the first season of Girls, a show that mimics the chilling realities of Brooklyn life. She “thought it was hilarious.”
And so, Mallory Hagan, 24, prepares to depart from her beloved borough.
“I will put my stuff in storage for the year, and then bring it back out once my reign as Miss America is over,” she said. Will the storage place be in Park Slope or Windsor Terrace? We’re dying to know.