Are there any flesh and blood female human beings in the country of Japan that serve as actual girlfriends? There must be, but they certainly aren’t getting much facetime on the Internet. Everywhere we turn, it seems, something inanimate is being manufactured, uploaded to the Internet with breathless excitement and automatically labeled a “girlfriend.”
Here, take a stroll with us as we meet the girlfriends of Japan.
1. A disembodied mannequin robot head plucked from your nightmares that tells you if your breath stinks. (Hint: if this thing’s your “girlfriend,” it does.)
2. A rendering of a lady on a Nintendo DS that you bring to your wedding when marrying your actual girlfriend.
3. Really any anime girl capable of being loaded onto a TV or computer screen. Bonus points if you can pause it on a frame where it looks like she’s eating, and then pretend to feed her real food.
5. Vending machines that sell “used school girl panties.”
6. An eerily lifelike looking robot that spends her days emailing you love letters.
7. A not-at-all lifelike looking robot that actually just looks like a shitty transformer (hot).
8. A Nintendo DS video game named “Love Plus.”
9. A fucking coat that will whisper in your ear, presumably telling you it’s not weird at all to be in love with a coat.
10. And of course, a body pillow.