YouTube’s ‘Trends’ Page Is an Unbelievable Time Suck

BRB, losing three hours to this thing.

Population density as depicted by YouTube.

Population density as depicted by YouTube.

YouTube has just debuted an entertaining feature on its Trends page: a map where you can see which videos are the most popular by city and region. It is a K-hole without parallel.

For example! Did you know that while Alan Jackson’s cover of George Jones’ “He Stopped Loving Her Today” is unsurprisingly popular in the Southeast, Blake Shelton’s latest redneck anthem pops up more often in the Midwest? The True Blood season six trailer, on the other hand, practically outlines the shape of the country–apparently raunchy vampires aren’t as popular in the flyover states.

The more specific you get, the weirder it gets. New Yorkers overall are watching a 30-second preview for an EP called “Life is But a Game” by some band called “The CLOOD,” which is actually pretty terrible. New Yorkers 13 to 17 are watching Family Guy clip. Sort it for 18 to 25, and it’s “No Stress- Billy G feat. Andrew Sterling.” For 25 to 34, it’s a video of someone’s mom driving a 900 horsepower car.

Oh, and fun fact: Gen Xers of the Atlantic Seaboard love Queens of the Stone Age. And so forth.

Sort it by views, though, and the results look a lot more homogenous. Apparently everyone in America is watching this video of a water polo player falling into the pool while trying to shake someone’s hand. Because we are one nation under dumb shit.