Torture Yourself With Handy New ‘Kitchen Safe’ Timed Locker

Because nothing tastes as good as skinny feels? No, that's not true.

Misery. (Screengrab:

No way to live. (Screengrab:

Technology continues to ruin everything with the new Kitchen Safe, a Tupperware container with a timed lock on top.

The container is big enough to fit cookies, croissants, donuts, cronuts, PlayStation controllers, cell phones and pretty much all the fun things.

Simply throw verboten objects in, pop the lid on, set the timer, and you won’t be able to open the Kitchen Safe until the timer hits zero.

It sounds like a great product for party poopers and people with questionable relationships with food. The most intriguing possibility is to use it to punish people who show up at social gatherings and text the entire time.

The Kitchen Safe is also perfect for terrorizing children and loved ones. Its website suggests placing rewards inside the clear box to “build up to that special moment,” because that isn’t passive aggressive at all.

Try throwing cigarettes, alcohol and credit cards in, too, the website suggests. This is perfect if you’re okay with the Kitchen Safe being run over by Dad’s SUV.