McDonald’s Launches In-House Videogames, Winners Get a Lifetime Supply of Body Image Issues

Next stop: America (I mean, probs)

Is this supposed to be a chicken made of fries? That is fucked. up.

Is this supposed to be a chicken made of fries? That is fucked. up.

In the good ol’ days of McDonald’s, you’d finish your quarter pounder, pull on your sweaty tube socks, and go play in the glistening, brightly-colored, slippery-with-sweat tunnels of the huge McDonald’s Play Place.

Not anymore. In one Singapore location, young McDonald’s diners can play with “The Happy Table,” a McDonald’s-themed smartphone game that’s only playable within the confines of the McDonald’s restaurant (PLAY UNTIL YOU’RE HUNGRY FOR MORE FOOD, KIDS!). What is this sorcery, you ask? The restaurant’s tables are embedded with NFC stickers, so when a kid waves her smartphone over the table, “The Happy Table” game automatically launches on her screen.

According to a video, players of “The Happy Table” get to drive a virtual car around “McDonaldland,” collecting burgers and harvesting apple pies, “all to help Ronald [McDonald] organize a party for the folks of McDonaldland.” Because you know what’s fun? Going to McDonald’s so that you can play a video game wherein you serve other people McDonald’s.

Winners of the game receive a head start on childhood obesity.

CNET Asia reported that “The Happy Table” launched in Singapore because the small island didn’t have enough room to construct Play Places. The article didn’t mention any concrete plans to share the game with U.S. diners, but it’s pretty hard to keep us Americans away from a) smartphone games, b) fast food, and c) playing smartphone games to win fast food.