Jeff Bezos Wants Your Advice on How to Run a Newspaper, Plz

Step one: hire lots of bloggers and pay them all in the high six-figures.

MWAHAHA! (Photo:

MWAHAHA! (Photo:

Amazon founder, CEO and bajillionaire Jeffrey P. Bezos casually purchased the Washington Post for a cool $250 million not too long ago, and now he’s soliciting advice on what to do with such a decrepit artifact.

Mr. Bezos has been out press-pimping the new Amazon Fire, which, at $379, is the perfect Christmas gift for the whole family. This led him to the Today show, where he mused, “Someday … I think printed newspapers on actual paper will be a luxury item, sort of like how people still have horses but it’s not their primary way of commuting to the office.”

Horses are cool and all but if Mr. Bezos is going to start throwing around the term “luxury item,” a better comparison would be the insane Clock of the Long Now his minions are constructing as we speak somewhere in Texas.

He also cruised by USA Today to tell them that, no, omg, Amazon and the Post are totally never going to be in bed together–well, not unless “the two companies can help each other.” In that case, “of course they would,” he said.

Also, he told USA Today, he is “a very open recipient” to suggestions on how to run the paper. Get your advice to him ASAP before the world’s news is available only on Kindle Fire.