New Service Lets You Rent Our World’s Most Precious Resource, Middle-Aged Men

You could also just like, go on the Internet and find some old dudes for free.

Rent me! (Photo: Ossan)

Rent me! (Photo: Ossan)

Do you have a startling lack of middle-aged men in your life? Did your dad stop passive aggressively communicating his disappointment to you via email? Did creepy guys on the subway with wedding rings stuffed onto their sausage fingers stop sniffing your hair? Did your boss and your boss’s boss and his boss’s boss all magically get replaced by women? Japan has the solution for you.

Ossan Rental, or “Uncle Rental,” is a new service out of Japan that will rent you a middle-aged man for about $10 an hour, which we can all agree is a cheap price for such a precious resource.

Lest you think this is some sort of sex thing, well–it could be, we suppose. Oddity Central says that the men are primarily offered for rent to “play video games with, exceptional conversation partners, shopping companions or errand  boys,” but also that they “can help you pass the time in a more enjoyable way.” Take that for what you will.

So far Ossan only has two middle-aged men for rental, one a sports commentator and one a college fashion professor. It’s strange that they can’t find more participants, because we literally can’t get rid of middle-aged men. Like, they’re everywhere. Let us know if you want them.