Tonight is the Emmys hosted by Neil Patrick Harris, which ironically means having to TiVo one of the last episodes of “Blue Meth, Walter White.” (We can’t believe it’s taken five seasons for Vince Gilligan to christen Breaking Bad with our write-in title.)
Will Game of Thrones and Homeland rule over the Netflix challengers? Will Neil Patrick Harris destroy Don Draper in a dance montage? Tune in to find out!
8:07 Is it just us, or is this kind of a weak opening for the Emmys?
8:10 According to the opening sequence spoilers, Girls, American Horror Story: Asylum, Behind the Candelabra and Breaking Bad are going to sweep and no one is going to pay attention to The Newsroom.
8:14 This opener needs more Ricky Gervais. The only way that Kevin Spacey would show up is if he was given a cameo.
8:20 Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series goes to Merritt Wever for Nurse Jackie. “Thank you so much! Thank you so much! I gotta go, bye.” Apparently Elizabeth from New Girl has a successful career elsewhere!
8:25 See, it’s ironic because LL Cool J NOR Malin Akerman are rappers! Tina Fey and Robert Carlock win for their writing on 30 Rock.
8:28 Best Supporting actor in a Comedy Series goes to Tony Hale on Veep. Which totally makes up for the lack of Arrested Development awards, ever.
8:30 And now Robin Williams slows it down for a good hour and a half…
I won’t be winning an Emmy this year unless there’s a category for “remote cursing.”
— Steve Martin (@SteveMartinToGo) September 22, 2013
8:38 Jon Hamm and his beard join Alec Baldwin for Lead Actress in a Comedy Series…which goes to Julia Louis-Dreyfus, as it should be. She has Tony Hale hold her bag, which is perfect.
8:41 Will Arnett and his new mom from The Millers promote their new series during speech for Outstanding Guest Actor & Actress on a Comedy Series: Bob Newhart and Melissa Leo, who in turn presents the award for Best Director in a Comedy series…Gail Mancuso for Modern Family. (That’s knocking a lot out of the way at once.)
8:47 Sofia Verga and Jimmy Kimmel present Best Actor in a Comedy Series, proving that laughter is really the worst medicine. And House of Lies is still on the air…who knew? Jim Parsons wins again for The Big Bang Theory!
8:57 Matt Damon and Michael Douglas introduce Sir Elton John and don’t even kiss. Sadface emoticon! On the plus side, we aren’t listening to the “Candle in the Wind,” so at least those days are over.
It would be more elegant to present a simple, quiet list of the dead and then have Emmy attendees pick the best ones by hand-buzzer vote.
— Mark Harris (@MarkHarrisNYC) September 23, 2013
9:06 Laura Linney wins Best Actress for Miniseries or Movie for her role on The Big C…which is neither a miniseries nor a movie, go figure.
9:13 Oh good, Arsenio.
9:14 Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series goes to the late Henry Bromell for Homeland. Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series goes to Anna Gunn for Breaking Bad, which must be totally vindicating.
Wait what’s Breaking Bad
— Jordyn Taylor (@jordynhtaylor) September 23, 2013
9:26 Ah, we actually have to give it to NPH for his meta-commentary/sexy dance in the middle of the show. Let’s all remind ourselves how wonderful Nathan Fillion is with that “Shut up, I’m going to sing now!”
9:30 Whoa, is Arrow still on as well? Along with The Sarah Silverman Show? There’s so much we still need to learn! The Voice wins Best Reality Show, or whatever.
9:38 Thought the point of that Vanity Fair article about Kerry Washington was that she wouldn’t have to be JUST an African-American nominee. She and Debbie Allen introduce Bobby Cannavale in Boardwalk Empire for Best Supporting Actor in a Drama.
9:42 Jeff Daniels just won for The Newsroom, proving that the Emmys are just trolling us at this point.
The Emmys finally discovered how to piss off the internet. #avctv
— HuffPostPunk (@pilotbacon) September 23, 2013
9:47 Carrie Underwood just butchering Yesterday. It’s sure to kill of Paul McCarthy, so if that was the intent, congrats to everyone involved.
9:56 Jimmy Fallon introduces Best Actress in a Drama Series to Claire Danes, who wins for Homeland. She is also an accomplished dancer.
9:58 Dean Morris just got introduced as the guy from Under the Dome and died a little bit inside. He and Emilia Clarke introduced Best Guest Actor and Actress in a Drama Series, Dan Bucatinsky and Carrie Preston (who is married to Ben Linus from Lost, let’s not forgot). They in turn introduced Best Director for a Drama Series, which went to David Fincher for House of Cards, natch. And he’s a no-show, natch.
10:03 Bob Newhart–who won his very first Emmy ever, what the hell?–introduce Best Writers of a Variety Show: The Colbert Report. Best Directing in a Variety Series goes to Don Roy King of Saturday Night Live.
10:16 Oh man, we’re now so psyched for the Choreographer’s Number! Which is really not disappointing, though we forgot when those Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad dance numbers happened in the show. Derek Hough wins for Dancing With the Stars, and thanks the BBC, Emmys for “inviting us to this party.”
10:23 The Colbert Report wins for Outstanding Variety Series. BOOM!
10:37 YES: James Cromwell won for American Horror Story: Asylum. Baller. (His son played the younger version of him on the series.)
10:49 Steven Soderbergh wins for Behind the Candelabra. Ellen Burstyn wins Best Actress for Political Animals, which we hear was “junk.”
10:57 Bryan Cranston and Claire Danes present…wait, we’re still doing Miniseries? Best Actor goes to Michael Douglas in Behind the Candelabra. Behind the Candelabra also wins for Best Miniseries.
11:06 Will Ferrell presents Best Comedy Series to Modern Family. “This might be the saddest Emmys of all time but we cannot be happier.” Vince Gilligan goes down as the one guy willing to refer to this era as “the golden age of television” after winning Best Dramatic Series for Breaking Bad.