FedEx Predicts You Lazy Schmucks Will Order Lots of Dumb Crap on Cyber Monday

The alternative is a mall parking lot, so.

Free shipping. (Photo:

Free shipping. (Photo:

This year, the misleadingly titled Cyber Monday is projected to be the biggest shopping day in history for online retailers. FedEx is forecasting that the Monday after Thanksgiving, Dec. 2, will produce the “company’s highest volume in history,” writes Bloomberg.

The company predicts that on that day, roughly 22 million packages will be processed and shipped through the cargo carrier’s network. Last year, online stores racked up $1.5 billion in sales, a 15 percent increase from the year prior–and FedEx expects that to tick even higher this year.

This year’s date also marks the earliest peak day for sales since 2007 as online sales typically climax in sometime in mid-December. The time frame that FedEx uses to estimate its figure stretches from Thanksgiving to that Monday.

Although Black Friday sales are traditionally thought of occurring at malls, retailers are amping up their online deals, too. Since sales at online retailers are outpacing those at at IRL stores (and you don’t have to deal with annoying teens eating all the free samples at Wok ‘N Roll), FedEx credits people’s shifting buying habits for the reason why the day is so record breaking.

At least we can use “What? I’m stimulating the economy” excuse to validate our secret JackThreads obsession.