It Didn’t Happen to Jane Pratt: Anna Wintour Poaching Employees in Dreamscape

Imagine if this was your job. (XOJane.com)

Imagine if this was your job. (XOJane.com)

Look, we’re not malicious people. We don’t go around the Internet, trying to cherry-pick ridiculous blogposts of the chronically celebrity-obsessed, micro-fameballers who put themselves out there for public ridicule. We are busy people, and only have time to read The New York Times(‘s article on seeing eye horses that wear sneakers.) We don’t like to punch down.

But sometimes, a piece of Internet ephemera appears that is so beyond-beyond, so desperate and ridiculous in its ploy for pageviews, that it must be called to task. Like the time Jane Pratt had a dream about Anna Wintour stealing one of her editors and tried to pass that off as a real thing that happened.

You know, insanity-stuff.

Earlier today, XOJane.com, your home for articles about stuff that happened to other people,  posted one of its frequent columns, Jane’s Phone, which the site’s owner writes from–where else?–her cell phone. How anyone confused novelty for laziness beats us, but we’re not here to sweat the small stuff. The title of the post was “WHAT HAPPENS WHEN ANNA WINTOUR TRIES TO STEAL YOUR EMPLOYEE.”

“Huh,” you might think. “Someone at XOJane.com is going to Vogue?”
Not quite.

Ms. Pratt did have a dream about that happening, though.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN ANNA WINTOUR TRIES TO STEAL YOUR EMPLOYEE

I have known Anna for years and she has never tried to steal anything from me and if she did, I would consider it a high compliment. But I did have a dream last night that Anna was trying to coax our Annie to go to Vogue. So I woke up and wrote Annie about it, of course, copying Corynne and Emily, because I knew they would understand why that was actually a NIGHTMARE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS.

So here’s another reason to love this girl: she sends us all this invitation to a meeting to discuss this dream — an all-day meeting, naturally. Hahahahahaha, I love her and Anna had better keep her HANDS OFF!

Okay, several things.

For starters, no one is interested in other people’s dreams, Jane Pratt, except apparently sycophantic employees who have nothing better to do with their day than call company-wide staff meetings to discuss the symbolism of your subconcsious.

Secondly, did you just lie to us? That headline was a lie. Because this post was not about “What happens when Anna Wintour tries to steal your employee.” It’s about what happens when you dream. (It’s not like this was posed as a question.) This is just terrible journalism practices–ha ha, what are we talking about “journalism practices?”–but lying for pageviews is definitely worse than what you obliquely accuse the Vogue editor of doing, which is called “poaching” and is an industry practice.

And the sheer audacity of this name-drop! It boggles the mind! Did Thomas Friedman steal Jane Pratt’s iPhone and write this? Because all the information transmitted (aside from the sock-like-but-pricey boots, great plug by the way) in this article was the fact that you consider Anna a friend (or at least acquaintance) of longstanding.

And that she’s never tried to steal anything from you, but like, you totally wouldn’t mind it if she did? Maybe that is the title of your post “What happens when Anna Wintour tries to steal your employee? Consider it a high compliment!” And then go to sleep and dream deep, sweet editor of a lady’s blog from which Ms. Wintour will surely never cull a single chromosome, because you have done your job for the day.