Study: Americans Gear Up for Black Friday by Fapping

Despite the fact that this is the one night of the year most people spend sleeping on the couch at their parents' houses. Ew, guys.

What else are they supposed to do on that line? (Photo: Getty)

What else are they supposed to do on that line? (Photo: Getty)

If your typical reaction to Black Friday mayhem is a highly nuanced and mature jerking-off hand motion, you may actually be onto something. It turns out that the hours between Thanksgiving dinner and the next day’s bout of mall madness are prime yankin’ it time.

PornHub released some interesting statistics yesterday regarding Internet porn consumption. Some highlights: naughty online activity decreased significantly throughout christendom on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day last year; American porn-watching decreased by about 8 percent on Valentine’s Day this year; and the least popular holiday for porn is New Year’s Eve, which is surprising, because that particular day of the year is usually all about disappointing endings.

What Betabeat found most interesting, though, was the one holiday-based uptick in American porn viewing: midnight to 3 p.m. on Black Friday, which is when porn views in 2012 increased by about 7 percent.

So what’s going on here? Does the increase in tryptophan make us extra horny, but too lazy to find a partner? Are we so amped about tomorrow’s amazing deal on that Sears washing machine that we need to somehow work our energy off? Or are we simply venting the sexual frustration that’s been building up since we spotted our high school crush at the local bar on Thanksgiving Eve?

Pornhub doesn’t have those answers. Instead, their conclusion:

OMG yeah, tweet that! (Screengrab: Pornhub.com)

OMG yeah, definitely tweet that! (Screengrab: Pornhub.com)