‘Take Your Body Fluids and Public Intoxication Elsewhere': LES Residents Stage ‘AntiCon’

You'll be next, LES! (Facebook)

You’ll be next, LES! (Facebook)

HO, NO!

Thousands of wasted Santa Clauses are about to come to town—and the Lower East Side doesn’t want to get scrooged.

This Saturday is SantaCon: The annual pub crawl where masses of youths in holiday-themed attire get drunk in the spirit of Christmas and baby Jesus. Due to the nightmarish outcomes of past SantaCons—you know, drunk dudes in elf costumes fighting each other and peeing in public places—the city required that event organizers provide a set SantaCon route.

According to the Daily News, the revelry will start in Tompkins Square Park, proceed through the East Village and Lower East Side, before ending in Brooklyn.

Unsurprisingly, the oft-grouchy, sometimes-unsettingly-aggressive LES Dwellers have something to say about this year’s SantaCon route (which, last year, was far and away in Hell’s Kitchen). 

As Bowery Boogie reported, the advocacy group has posted signs declaring Hell Square a “SantaCon Free Zone,” and boasting fun, welcoming slogans: “Alcohol-soaked father Christmas-themed flash mob not welcome here,” “Take your body fluids and public intoxication elsewhere (and off this island, preferably),” and “We do not apologize for any inconvenience.”

Still, the NYPD is supporting the event, so it looks like the grinches of the Lower East Side are just going to have to deal—or get in on the action themselves. Hey, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.