Those Who Kill: Turns Out, We Didn’t Need Another Haunted Cop/Serial Killer Drama After All

Those Who Kill...have great mustaches. (A&E)

Those Who Kill…have great mustaches. (A&E)

We admit that we were dubious about Chloe Sevigny starring in the A&E remake of the Dutch program, Those Who Kill. Don’t we already have Hannibal, Bates Motel, The Following, The Killing, True Detective (and to a lesser extent) Law & Order: SVU to fill that serial killer-sized hole left by Dexter? Much like the cult/occult leaders who populate this genre, the problem with these serial killer shows is that every time you get rid of one, another ten seem to pop up in their place.

It turns out we were right to be skeptical about this one.

So far, reviews of Those Who Kill make it sound like the Looking of torture porn television. In that it’s very, very boring.

From The A.V. Club:

Filled with talented people both behind the scenes and in front of the camera, A&E’s new Nordic noir remake Those Who Kill is a needlessly grim slog most viewers will be able to fill in the blanks for from memory. It has a tough-as-nails female cop who pairs with a brilliant criminology professor who lacks in social graces. It has a gruff chief with a heart of gold. It has fellow detectives who bristle at the rookie female cop’s rapid advancement. And it has serial killers. Ho boy, does it have serial killers.

See, but the moment we read “serial killers” (as in plural!) we immediately forget all that negative stuff that came before it. How can mass, ritualistic murderers be boring?

From Television Without Pity:

Those Who Kill is the equivalent of those “You might also like…” recommendations that Netflix’s algorithms makes for you if you binge-watch a particular series and/or genre; its central elements are all stitched together out of other, better series and assembled in a manner that’s both entirely professional and wholly uninspired.

It seems odd to compare Those Who Kill to Netflix’s algorithm in a negative way, seeing as it’s just such a recommendation system that allowed for the creation of House of Cards and other great pieces of programming, but okay. We get it. It’s by-the-books. (Unlike the detective who is on the case!)

But perhaps the biggest red flag comes from the Salt Lake Tribune, which calls it “Almost TV’s worst serial-killer show.” Which makes us wonder…what could possibly be worse than a show which opens in a Pittsburgh factory where a machine is filled with mutilated dead bodies?

“Those Who Kill” is not the worst serial-killer show on the air right now. That (dis)honor goes to Fox’s laughable “The Awakening.”

We assume the writer meant The Following, since there has never been a show on Fox called The Awakening.