You Can Now Buy an iPhone 5 Belt Loop Leash, in Case You Never Want to Have Sex Again

It'll go great with your dad jeans.

Just your average happenin' San Francisco cat. (Photo:

Just your average happenin’ San Francisco cat. (Photo:

If you can’t afford the super-expensive birth control method that is Google Glass, here is a cheaper option: a $20 plastic leash that connects your iPhone to your belt loop, thereby notifying the entire world that, nah, you’re not looking to get laid any time soon, you’re all set.

More effective for repelling potential mates than a pair of camo-printed Crocs, the Kenu Highline bungee leash employs a clear polycarbonate case that protects your device if you drop it. The case has a notch that locks into the phone’s charging port, according to Cult of Mac, making it practically bulletproof if you have slippery fingers and no sense of shame.

Sure, it’s useful for absent-minded kindergarteners and people participating in “extreme sports.” But if we see one of these puppies on the street, we reserve right to discreetly affix a “KICK ME” sign to its owner’s back.

Cult of Mac calls this “a very neat system.” We call it the only tech accessory we can think of that makes a fanny pack look downright studly. It’ll go great with your dad jeans.