As someone who will remember the last year with absolutely zero fond memories of planning their own nuptials, I feel a personal heart palpitation every time I read an essay about how shitty it is to be a bridesmaid, how much money destination weddings cost friends and family, and generally what an imposition I’m being. So intense is my guilt complex, I’ve basically stopped looking at the Internet in fear of stumbling across something wedding-related that will cause anxiety hives and/or require a Xanax. Etsy and Pintrest have gone from fun little time-wasters to my own personal demons from hell, sent to Earth to torment me about not having wedding colors. (Isn’t it just supposed to be white?! I thought weddings were white!!) In my worst nightmares, I just live out the Red Wedding over and over, except we forgot to hire the band to play “Rains of Castamere” so no one knows their murder cues. ACK!
So I really don’t understand the mentality of Bambo Obaro and Janice Jentz, the two San Francisco lawyers who have turned their Save the Date into something that half resembles a baller music video, and half looks like the new trailer for Godzilla.
I mean, god bless. Seriously. If you have that much faith in your own awesomeness as a Kimye-type sensation within your own friend group, you deserve all the riches that Williams-Sonoma has to offer. Honestly, the point of a wedding, as I’ve come to understand it, is to throw a big party where no one is inconvienced in the slightest and everyone has the best time, and other people lie about being there. Which this definitely looks like it will be, especially as its being held in the White House? Is that what that last shot means?
Personally though, this couple scares the shit out of me, with the amount of planning, cash and chutzpah that went into creating a product that’s entire purpose is to tell you to be on the look out for the actual invitation. Where did you guys find the time to make this?? Whose dog is that?? Why do you live in a mash-up of The Great Gatsby and White House Down?? So many questions!
You have fun on your helicopter ride, Bambi, I’ll be right over here, screening phone calls from my mother about the bridal shower.