Feuding Fireworks Might Make the Fourth of July Feel Like the Apocalypse

#murica

Liberty State Park ablaze. (Flickr)

Liberty State Park ablaze. (Flickr)

Let there be fight!

After Mayor Bill de Blasio announced that the city’s Fourth of July fireworks would return to the East River, Jersey City didn’t take the news lying down. Mayor Steve Fulop announced that the sixth borough would have it’s own epic display intended to blow the competition out of the water  or the East River.

New York’s firework festivities were moved from the Hudson River to the East River in April after complaints that Brooklyn was shut out. Mr. de Blasio said he hopes New Jerseyians would still bridge-and-tunnel-it, but they politely replied, “fuhgeddaboutit.”  

“We’re not in the business of competing with New York City directly,” Mr. Fulop told the Timesbut “the window of opportunity opened.” 

Jersey City is going all out, calling its celebration the “Freedom and Fireworks Festival” at Liberty State Park. Dare you to come up with a more patriotic name, Manhattan. Oh, and the Statue of Liberty will rise triumphantly as a backdrop, so Mr. De Blasio can stop bragging about the Brooklyn Bridge now.

Budweiser, also known as “The Great American Lager”, will co-sponsor the event with Suntex Marinas, so Jersey City taxpayers don’t have to pay a cent — because America.

Jersey’s roman candle fiesta might even be broadcast on Fox News at the same time as NBC’s coverage of the Manhattan display, according to The Times.

Every heart beats true for the red, white and blue. Looks like Mr. de Blasio shot New Jersey through the heart, and now it’s too late.

We’ll see who gives the Fourth of July a bad name.