Party Monster Michael Alig Celebrates First Day of Freedom on Twitter

Will the notorious 90s club kid like 2014?

Is he ready for Beliebers and cronuts?

After spending 17 years in jail for manslaughter, former New York City Club Kid Michael Alig turned to Twitter today to spread the “good news” that he was free.

But leaving jail might not be quite what Mr. Alig bargained for, if his tweets can be believed. As we all know, the world has changed a lot since he looked like this:

Michael Alig (far left) in 1994. (Getty images)

Michael Alig (far left) in 1994. (Getty images)

In an open letter, friend and former club kid James St James assured his pal that he hasn’t lost his New York City street-cred, but that 2014 is a scary, scary place.

“Speaking of clubs: You’ve become a bit of a legend since you went in (YOU’RE WELCOME) and you WILL stop the room the first few times you go out,” Mr. St. James wrote in the candid letter published on the Wow Report

Mr. St James also couldn’t help himself from throwing in references to the past.

See, you’re old now, and although many of this generation were raised on Party Monster , sometimes you’ll find yourself in a room where everybody is completely CLUELESS. They’ve never seen the Geraldos or Phil Donahues or Jenny Joneses. They’ve never heard of Angel,” (Angel being Andre Melendez, the victim he killed 17 years ago). 

Mr. St James also offered the necessary crash course on today’s social media platforms:

Facebook is where you find people you went to high school with who now own pretend farms.
Instagram is all the people you avoid at parties posting pictures of their breakfast.
Twitter is just people you don’t know making pithy comments about serious subjects they know nothing about.
Pinterest is where morbidly obese cat ladies pin pictures of what Katniss would wear.
Tumblr is micro-blogging + gay porn for tweens.
And Vine is always just sx seconds of extreme torture.

Though we know for a fact Mr. Alig embraced many of these sites even while behind bars (he amassed an impressive 11.6K Twitter followers), he still seems a little behind…

True to his club kid roots, St. James also couldn’t resist giving his friend a “welcome to freedom” gift.

OH. There is ONE drug that you really OUGHT TO TRY. You’ll just love it, I know it.
NO SIDE EFFECTS. And NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW you’ve done it.
It’s called krocodil.
Really, Michael, I’m just going to get a tiny, little gram of krokodil as a getting out present…. Thank me later.

We’ll see if he accepts the generous offer, but for now Mr. Alig seems content with a Starbucks double espresso and a “CincoDeMichael” burrito.