The 21 Weirdest and Worst Tech Startup Names

  • Here at Betabeat, we don’t pretend to have all the answers. We simply know what we don’t like.

    And, thanks to the massive amount of press releases we receive from fledgling startups every day, we’ve developed a particular dislike for the conventions of modern startup nomenclature. 

    Some startup names are good: Facebook, Gilt, Tinder, BlackBerry, BuzzFeed, Seamless even MySpace. These names are natural, casual, and don’t make the speaker sound like a babbling idiot — well, unless they’re raving about MySpace and BBM in 2014.

    But then there are the Twitters of the world. It’s a wonder that social network has become as respectable as it is, with such a looney name. It’s tough to make the case to your tech-hating older relatives or colleagues that Twitter’s worth trying out when it sounds like a kids’ board game.

    True, name preferences are subjective. But we’re pretty sure that we’ve assembled a list of questionable startup names not even a mother could love. Full of sexual innuendos, double-entendres, and secondhand-embarrassment-inducing goofiness, here are the 21 weirdest startup names of all time.

  • Did they seriously not notice they'd named their startup "keep ass" until it was too late?

  • The Morninghead folks are in on the joke. That doesn't make it okay.

  • Sure, name your business-facing marketing startup Choozle. But don't be surprised when nobody takes you seriously.

  • A typo with some phallic flavor.

  • "And the defendant is being represented by... a cartoon dog in a bow tie."

  • Both cutesy and graphic, HelloFlo conjures the image of a cartoon five-year-old waving hi to a tidal wave of period blood.

  • You might as well name your dating site Assman.

  • Great, now we can't think of anything but a bunch of fat wannabe WASPs in short shorts standing at half mast (if you catch our drift).

  • The startup that fondles your food.

  • Naming your kid Kaetlynne instead of Kaitlyn doesn't make you clever or creative. Neither does naming your company Bawte instead of Bought.

  • I'm dead, bye.

  • Somehow, "Viber" screams something besides social networking.

  • A website for viewing lube?

  • Viral and fungal.

  • Ingenious, if you want to follow up every introduction of your company with "No, not Twitter. Not Whisper."

  • Technically, it's not a soft "g." But imagine if it was.

  • A social network for fundamentalists?

  • Vagina pouch.

  • Talk about a buzzkill. Don't name your pro-drinking startup after the very organ it's bent on destroying.

  • This inspires a mental image that can be approximated with the emojis of 1. water droplets and 2. an eggplant.

  • Don't give your project a name that makes people feel like morons whenever they say it.