Reddit AMAs are incredible educational tools. They’ve taught us what it’s like to have two dicks; proved to us that Canadian stereotypes are all true; even illuminated Lil’ John’s fascinating opinions of snowboarding. And now, we finally know what it’s like to be a professional snuggler.
Yes, you’re reading that right: redditor KonekoPeach was not a professional smuggler, but a professional snuggler — as in, a person paid to crawl into bed with and wrap their arms around a lonely stranger for hours at a time, as she explained in an AMA yesterday.
She worked for a company called The Snuggle Buddies, which claims to be strictly non-sexual and charges anywhere from $60 for an hour-long snuggle sesh to $400 for a ten-hour overnight extravaganza. KonekoPeach seems to have generally enjoyed the experience, though she quit when she began to sense the whole thing was just maaaaybe a little sketchy and unsafe.
“I stopped working there mostly because I no longer felt comfortable going into other people’s homes,” she wrote. “Overall it was a very safe job but after one particularly pushy client and hearing some other stories I realized that even if I could handle a sticky situation (Mace is a girl’s best friend), I didn’t want to have to.”
Here are some more captivating nuggets on what it’s like to pimped out for spooning services [all sic].
On her daily schedule:
“Average day was only one 2 hr or so session in the evening. I would have plenty of time to plan an outfit, google maps the place, and what not. I’ll show up, collect the money and contract, we’ll chit chat for a bit before diving into cuddles, Towards the end I’ll let them know it’s winding down and chat some more so it didn’t feel like it abruptly ended. Leave, call the boss and let him know I wasn’t murdered, and within the next day or two I sent the company’s portion of the money through paypal.”
On her average customer, which didn’t surprise us at all:
“Male in his 50’s, most likely a divorcee.”
On whether she was technically a prostitute:
“Rules: No sexual contact of any kind. We weren’t a front for a prostitution ring and tried very hard to maintain a professional image. We originally allowed snuggling in our panties and underwear but had to change that policy when some clients thought that would cost more (‘high pressure sales’).”
On how she explained it to her family:
“They didn’t know. I mentioned it early on as a ‘Elderly companion service’ and I got the death stare, so it never came up again. My boyfriend also mentioned it to his parents and his dad thought it was prostitution so we lied and said I quit a little while before I actually did.”
On farting mid-snuggle:
“I am a rather gassy person actually (being vegetarian will do that) but fortunately they’re usually silent. Once I did have a client hear me fart and he got a little creepy with it telling me I was “naughty”. Um, no thanks, not my thing. I don’t remember any clients farting though. They probably have and I was lucky enough not to smell or hear it. I wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face”
On her weirdest snuggling experience:
“Weirdest thing would have to go to having my eyebrows licked. The gentleman asked first, so I had no qualms and it actually kind of tickled.”